A Reminder This Lent: Be Friends in Christ
Dear Vincentian Friends:
As we begin this season of Lent, I am drawn to one of the most important, yet often least discussed, essential elements of our Vincentian vocation: friendship. The Rule of the Society names it alongside service and spirituality as one of the three pillars of our identity. Friendship is not simply a coincidental byproduct of our work; it is a sacred method of evangelization, a sign that God is present among us in the simple acts of human connection.
Last Sunday, we heard in the Gospel (Matthew 5:17–37) Jesus’ teaching about the law and true righteousness. He tells His listeners that He has not come to abolish the law but to fulfill it, to reveal its deepest meaning. Every commandment, He explains, points beyond external obedience to interior conversion. It is not enough to avoid murder; one must also renounce anger. Not enough to refrain from adultery; one must also purify the heart. Jesus calls His followers to reconciliation before offering their gifts at the altar, urging them to settle differences quickly and speak truthfully. His words remind us that holiness is rooted in relationship; that friendship, forgiveness, and integrity are themselves forms of worship.
For Vincentians, this is our model for the essential element of friendship. Like Christ, we are invited not to stand apart but to reach out in friendship, even, especially, when doing so might expose us to discomfort. True friendship, after all, is not developed only in pleasant moments but also in shared suffering, honesty, and compassion.
Pope Leo tells us in his February 13, 2026 message on Lenten abstinence that the season is not merely about refraining from physical indulgence, but about freeing the heart to love. “Let us begin by disarming our language, avoiding harsh words and rash judgement, refraining from slander and speaking ill of those who are not present and cannot defend themselves,” he said. “Instead, let us strive to measure our words and cultivate kindness and respect in our families, among our friends, at work, on social media, in political debates, in the media and in Christian communities.” “Abstinence,” he writes, “is the schooling of charity.” By tempering our appetites and pausing from excess, we learn again to hunger for the good of others.
In that light, Lent is an ideal time to renew our practice of friendship; within our Conferences, among fellow Vincentians, and with those we serve. We might abstain not just from food but from speaking ill of one another. We might give up impatience, sarcasm, or the urge to win every disagreement. These fasts are more difficult than skipping a meal, but they heal the soul in precisely the same way.
And heaven knows, our modern world sorely needs such healing.
We live in a moment when public discourse has become alarmingly dysfunctional. Our national conversations, be they political, social, even ecclesial, are all too often dominated by noise, anger, suspicion, and contempt. Digital connections abound, yet genuine friendship is rare. Loneliness is rampant, especially among the young. Many have forgotten what it means to listen, to disagree charitably, or to love someone whose opinions differ from our own.
This culture of division has crept into every aspect of life, and the Church is not immune. Vincentians, too, can feel its strain: differing philosophies about advocacy and charity, tensions between new ideas and tradition, or simple fatigue that dulls our charity, creates judgmental thinking and fosters burnout. But the Society of St. Vincent de Paul was born in a turbulent century, and its founders faced similar storms. Blessed Frédéric Ozanam understood that Christian friendship – real, face-to-face, humble, and attentive – is the antidote to the bitterness of public life.
If we wish to make the love of Christ visible in our world, we must begin by modeling a better way of relating to one another. Because friendship must be where charity begins.
Friendship within the Society has a distinctive shape. It is not based on mere sentiment or shared hobbies, but on shared mission and faith. When we meet as members, we begin and end in prayer, not as a formality but as a sign that Christ is the third person in our conversation. In Him, ordinary human friendship becomes something divine, a participation in God’s own love, offered freely and without condition.
So how might we deepen that friendship this Lent? Here are four ideas for you.
- By revisiting our Conference meetings with a renewed spirit of patience and hospitality. Let every voice be heard; let disagreements be guided by gentleness.
- By reaching out personally to a Vincentian who has drifted away. A private phone call, a handwritten note, or an invitation to share a simple Lenten meal.
- By encountering our neighbors in need not as caseworkers but as companions. By listening to their stories. Remembering their names. Letting them see, in our eyes, the face of Christ.
- By praying together intentionally, not only before and after meetings, and not by rushing through the Spiritual Reflection so we can get to the ‘business’ and keep the meeting to an hour, but in genuine intercession for each other’s burdens and joys.
Such acts of friendship may seem small, but in a secular society that prizes debate over dialogue, and competition over compassion, Vincentian friendship is a quiet revolution. It is evidence that the Kingdom of God is already breaking through the noise.
When Vincentians cultivate friendship, authentic Christ-centered friendship, it becomes the most credible witness to the Gospel we can offer. Our neighbors do not need political arguments or theological lectures; they need love and mercy made tangible through human kindness. To touch another person’s suffering, without judgment and without fear, is to act as Christ would act.
Lent challenges us to humility, which is friendship’s greatest ally. It takes humility to admit we need others, to ask forgiveness, to listen without defending our pride. But humility is not weakness; it is strength disciplined by love. Pope Leo’s reminder about abstinence points us again to this truth: the self-denial of Lent is meant to make room for the abundance of grace.
So perhaps this Lent we might each take up one simple practice: to be a reconciling presence in our corner of the world. When faced with tension in our community, we can choose calm over outrage, understanding over accusation, conversation over condemnation. Each time we do, we bear witness to divine friendship, and in doing so, we restore both relationship and peace.
This is the heart of Vincentian life. To be friends in Christ is our identity, our method, and our mission. As we encounter and accompany one another through Lent toward Easter, let us remember that when friendship and charity meet, Christ is present.
Peace and God’s blessings,
John
